so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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