I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
