ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
