You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
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My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
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He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar