Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor