he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?