I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
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There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.