dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"