Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!