Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize