Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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