You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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