we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He has the fingertips of a God
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