So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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