found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
