make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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