nut hugger
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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