And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
