that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
