Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
