are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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