Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
