I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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