I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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