I feel great
I just peed on a car
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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