You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The power of my boobs compel you
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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