How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
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I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
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I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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