My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
