Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
