I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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