Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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