You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize