i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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