Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
