He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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