We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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