kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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