i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
