3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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