Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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