You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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