i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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