I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
