Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
