Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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