I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
