I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
