honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
