I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
