I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
