Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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