he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you have to choose: penises or morals?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
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my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
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White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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