3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
