This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
