I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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