he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
