Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
