Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
