Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just cropdusted the office
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
