Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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