I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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