even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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