what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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