Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
