That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
