If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
