she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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